Apr 21, 2013

Rebooting Everything

Hi there,

It's been well over a year since I last posted and my attention to my health has been just as haphazard as my blogging commitment. I'm not proud of that, but I've maxed out all my past "highest weight ever" numbers and feel I'm in no man's land.

You see, when you have maybe 20, 30, even 50 extra pounds to lose, you still can function normally. Your blood pressure might appear fine, and blood work come back normal. No real visible health issues, apart from not being able to wear whatever you want.

But I'm at the point now where everything hurts, my mind is foggy, walking to the mall for an hour seems like hard work and I can't tell if and when I'm hungry anymore. The inside always reflects on the outside too. Troubles in one area of life, often appear in others! And so that's where I'm at. Still resisting the fact that I moved to Seattle about a year and a half ago, still isolating myself somewhat, still ... basically still hiding from life.

ENOUGH! This weekend was a rather thoughtful for me (it's Sunday evening right now) and I'm ready to turn a new leaf. How do I know it's time? Because for my height's ideal weight, I have now reached a weight that is roughly 100 lbs in excess. Yep, that's right. THREE DIGITS of extra weight.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd get to this point. I don't really even know where the final 30 actually came from. The amount of stress in my life has certainly increased dramatically and that has a lot to do with it. But bottom line, it's time to just put together a plan to drop 100.

The larger the goal, the more proud I'll be when I get there. There is no other choice than to be positive and believe in myself. All the other times I tried to lose weight, I was motivated mainly by fear! Fear of failure, that I'll never be perfect, that no one will like me and my life will be a mess.

No more fear now. The only way to succeed in any task is to come from a place of love. So, this time my motivation is love -- I love myself, my family, my friends, my accomplishments. I love the kind and happy girl I have, and I want to be around for a very long time. I will do this because I like life, I like meeting new people and having new experiences. No more fear.

Time to reboot everything!


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